Unbound Ambitions; Career. Relationships. Wellbeing

The Silent Weight of Guilt

• Penelope Magoulianiti • Season 5 • Episode 8

Share episode

Guilt is the shapeshifter that steals joy from high-achieving women, functioning as an invisible thief of energy, fulfillment, and connection even when they outwardly appear successful.

• The guilt-exhaustion loop traps women in a cycle of overgiving, crashing, feeling guilty, and giving more
• Guilt is not a moral compass but proof of conditioning that teaches women their needs don't matter
• The burden of being "the strong one" creates profound loneliness when always supporting others but hesitating to ask for help
• Control is rooted in fear - fear that everything will fall apart if you stop, someone will be disappointed, or you'll fall behind
• Resentment is not weakness but your truth trying to break through when you're doing things from obligation rather than desire
• Success does not have to come at the cost of happiness - you can have both ambition and joy
• There is no medal for self-sacrifice or badge for burnout

Join our free live webinar "Release Guilt and Reclaim Happiness" on April 10th at 6pm EET. We'll explore the beliefs keeping you stuck, clear emotional clutter, and create space for joy. 

Register at https://www.penelopemagoulianiti.com/releaseguilt to attend live or receive the replay.

Enjoy xox

Enjoy the Show?

  • Don't miss an episode; follow on Spotify and subscribe via Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, or RSS.
  • Leave me a review on Apple Podcasts.
  • Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok.
  • Book your free consultation at https://www.penelopemagoulianiti.com/letstalk
  • Feeling stressed out? Take the Burnout assessment at https://www.penelopemagoulianiti.com/assessment
  • Learn more about my new book, Claws Out, Thriving in a World That Wants You Tamed, on ...
Speaker 1:

Welcome to Unbound Ambitions, the podcast where aspirations meet action, dreams fuel drive and every ceiling is just another floor to break through. Here we celebrate the power of persistence, explore the art of balancing career and personal life and unlock the secrets to growth and fulfillment. Whether climbing the corporate ladder, navigating entrepreneurship or finding harmony in your daily life, unbound Ambitions is your companion in journeying toward your highest goals. Join us as we get real about challenges, present valuable information and equip you with insights for a life that's as thriving as it is grounded. Because here we believe your ambitions are just the beginning. And now your host, penelope Maguilniti.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to Unbound Ambitions. I'm so happy to be here with you again this week, with you again this week, and I am going to talk about guilt again, despite the fact that I covered this subject not long ago. And the reason for talking about guilt is because so many of you are going through it, are experiencing, and it's burdening you out. So today I want to speak directly to the woman who's crushing it at work but feels like she's crumbling inside. And you know who you are, because you're successful, capable, smart. You have lots of people relying on you, and yet you are not happy. You don't feel that kind of fulfillment that comes with accomplishment. Instead, what you feel is tiredness, and not the type of I didn't sleep well last night tired, but the soul level exhaustion, the kind that comes from constantly proving, pleasing and performing. And at the center of feeling like this, the real reason of this exhaustion is guilt, and you might experience this little voice inside your head that whispers you should have stayed home for the school play. This is what a good mother does. You are not doing enough, so stop complaining about it and find a way to do more. You are too much and you are driving your man away. You are not enough, so you should try harder.

Speaker 2:

So I want to talk about the invisible price of guilt, because it's so important, and this price is a steep price to pay. And I like to describe guilt as a shapeshifter, and the reason for giving it this name is because it wears so many masks the mask of duty, the mask of responsibility, the mask of perfectionism, the mask of loyalty. Sorry, guilt's job is to keep you small, to keep you over-functioning, to keep you questioning your worth. And most high-achieving women I've met, whether they say it out loud or not, they carry guilt like it's part of their job description. And it looks like this it looks like guilt for working late, guilt for enjoying success, guilt for wanting time alone, guilt for saying no, guilt for saying yes when they didn't want to.

Speaker 2:

How many ways do we find to feel guilty about? And all this is because we have internalized the idea that ambition is selfish, that our desires are dangerous, that we have to earn the right to rest, to enjoy, to receive, and God forbid if we don't, because if we don't, we punish ourselves with guilt. And this behavior is what keeps you stuck in the loop, because when you're in the loop, this is usually what happens you over give, you push through, you keep saying yes. When your body screams for a no, you try to do it all because you can and because you can, in your mind you justify that you should. And then what happens? You crash. And when you crash, you pull back and then again you feel guilty, stuck in the loop. And once you are feeling that guilt, to quiet it, what do you do? Again, you give. And the minute you give you're able, you give more. And then what happened? Again A new cycle begins to try to do it all, to crash, to burn out, to feel guilty because you cannot give it all.

Speaker 2:

Can you see how you destroy your life and your happiness? I bet it sounds familiar one way or another. And this is the guilt exhaustion loop. And this is the guilt exhaustion loop and I am so sad because it doesn't end with a promotion, it doesn't end with a vacation, it doesn't end by taking a month of sabbatical, three months of sabbatical. It doesn't end, it will only end when you stop believing guilt is your moral compass. It ends when you stop believing that guilt is a proof that you're doing the right thing and, in all honesty, ladies, guilt is proof that you've been conditioned to believe your needs don't matter. And then it doesn't stop in the guilt exhaustion loop.

Speaker 2:

Then there is the lie of control, because all of us like to be in control. So when we are in control, what we do is to trust ourselves. And by trusting ourselves we take so much pride in managing everything. But in my humble opinion, control equals fear. The fear that if you stop, everything will fall apart. The fear that if you let go, someone will be disappointed. The fear that if you rest, you will fall behind. So what do you do again? You hold it all, you do it all and you resent it all at some point.

Speaker 2:

And I want you to think of an incident that you felt resentment. What triggered it? I'm curious what triggered the resentment? And the reason I'm asking is because resentment often surfaces when you're doing something, because you feel the pressure of doing it and not because you want to do it and not because you want to do it. And in this case I don't see resentment as a weakness. I like to see it as your truth, trying to break through the guilt, because resentment arises and it's a result of the agreement or agreements you made, either consciously or unconsciously, or because someone told you that this is the way to be done and you believed them, even when deep down, you felt that is not right.

Speaker 2:

And this is where the lie is the messages or the agreements passed to many of us that they look like this. You were never meant to carry this much alone as a woman. You were just taught that asking for help made you less. You were just taught that saying I want more made you selfish. How do you feel hearing me saying this to you? You are selfish because you want more for you. You are less. You don't need to ask for help. If you do, you're less.

Speaker 2:

As a woman, you can carry so many things. You're strong. You don't need anyone's help. You can feel the burden, especially the emotional burden, without expressing a single word. Can you see all these lies? And can you see how we have been conditioned to believe them and how unfair it is for us and how manipulative they are? And unfortunately, it doesn't stop here.

Speaker 2:

We also have to deal with the loneliness of being the strong one, and nobody talks about this, but it looks like this you usually show up for everyone. You lead, you hold space for your team or for your family. You remember the birthdays, the deadlines, you remember all the logistics. You make sure about anniversaries to send presents, to make the call, you make sure that you are texting a friend or a family member on their name days and when you need support, you hesitate because you don't want to be a burden, because you are supposed to have it together. So you smile and you go through it and you exist and deep down, this connection is getting deeper and deeper and stronger and stronger and you might even have resentment there to linger and you feel guilty, of course, of all this. And I know this loneliness inside out, the burden of carrying it silently because you don't want to be the weak one until you decide that it's enough and you speak up.

Speaker 2:

But until you reach that breaking point, it's painful and it happens to me approximately two years ago, maybe a little bit more, and I remember I was going through a really hard time and it was painful because it was a very painful personal experience. But I made sure that I was a good daughter, niece, godmother, a good friend. I made sure that I picked up the phone and called my parents every single day, always stayed in touch with family and friends, always caring, always asking, always trying to help. And on the other line, the usual questions were how is Arthur? That's my husband, how are the kids? How is school? But never. How are you? How is your work doing? Are you okay? Do you face any challenges? Can we help in any way? And it was so painful and I felt so hurt and unseen and I felt that I didn't matter and I was trying to justify their behavior because I've never talked about my struggles to them. I've never allowed them to not even to glimpse, to have a glimpse on my challenges. I was always the strong one until I wasn't. And it felt so painful and it felt so draining and I was holding myself back from speaking up my truth for letting them know how I felt, because I didn't want them to think less of me.

Speaker 2:

And unfortunately, this is how guilt robs us. And it doesn't only rob our energy, it also robs intimacy, because when you're resentful, you cannot connect with your partner at a level that will bring joy and ecstasy in your relationship. It robs your presence because your mind never stops the chatter and the stories of what all these mean and your joy. It goes away together with the connection. Can you see how, in how many fronts, guilt is robbing our happiness and our joy.

Speaker 2:

And there's a lie we've been sold so much, and this lie is that success comes at the cost of happiness, that love and ambition can't live in the same life, that you have to choose between freedom and responsibility. No, you don't. Actually, you don't have to choose because you can have both, but not while you are carrying guilt like it's sacred, not while you are carrying guilt as a badge of honor. And I want to emphasize that. There is no metal for self-sacrifice, ladies. There is no badge for burnout. Sacrifice, ladies. There is no badge for burnout. You're allowed to build a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on paper or on social media posts.

Speaker 2:

Please stop depriving yourself of Happiness, stop depriving yourself a life full of joy. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to want more and not feel guilty for it. So what do you do with all this? You stop outsourcing your worth to how much you do. That's the first thing you do. And then you start questioning the guilt, you rewrite the rules and you release the weight of who you think you're supposed to be, so you can become who you really are, and that's where freedom begins. So if this spoke to you, if you felt seen even for a little bit, then I want you to know that you don't have to figure this out by yourself.

Speaker 2:

I'm hosting a free live webinar called Release Guilt and Reclaim Happiness, and I would like to invite you to join us. We are going deep during this webinar, we are pulling back the curtain on the beliefs that keep you stuck, we are clearing the emotional clutter that is draining you and we are creating space for joy, for rest and, most importantly, for you. It's happening on the 10th of April at 6 pm EET that's Eastern European Time and if you are listening to me from a time zone that it won't be good for you to join live, please register and I will send you the replay. You can reserve your spot at wwwpenelopemangulianiticom. Forward slash release guilt, and I will have the link on the show notes as well.

Speaker 2:

I want you to come as you are and live a little lighter. That's my goal on this webinar Come as you are, but live a little lighter, because it's time to put guilt down and start enjoying the life that you are working so hard to have. Until next time, much love. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Unbound Ambitions. If today's conversation sparked something in you, share this episode with another woman who needs to hear it, and if you're ready to eliminate guilt once and for all, sign up for the live webinar on the 10th of April at 6 pm. Eet. Go to wwwpenelopemagulianiticom forward. Slash, release guilt to secure your spot. I will see you inside.