Unbound Ambitions; Career. Relationships. Wellbeing

Reclaim Your Peace

• Penelope Magoulianiti • Season 5 • Episode 7

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In this episode, we explore why peace feels so elusive in our busy lives and identify five key "peace stealers" that drain our energy and happiness. By recognizing what's stealing our peace—from over-committing to overthinking- we can reclaim calm and live more intentionally.

• The illusion of control and the habit of saying yes when we want to say no
• How overthinking creates unnecessary stress and anxiety
• Self-betrayal: when we ignore our intuition and inner wisdom
• Understanding relationship dynamics that leave us feeling unsupported
• The harmful fear of aging and measuring ourselves against younger versions
• Practical techniques to break free from overwhelm and prioritize peace
• Simple questions to ask yourself when caught in an overthinking spiral
• Why your worth isn't tied to how much you do or how busy you are

Join me for a free webinar on April 2nd at 6 pm EET where we'll dive deeper into guilt—how it drains our confidence and peace, and what we can do to release it finally.

DM me to secure your spot.

Enjoy xox


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Unbound Ambitions, the podcast where aspirations meet action, dreams fuel drive and every ceiling is just another floor to break through. Here we celebrate the power of persistence, explore the art of balancing career and personal life and unlock the secrets to growth and fulfillment. Whether climbing the corporate ladder, navigating entrepreneurship or finding harmony in your daily life, unbound Ambitions is your companion in journeying toward your highest goals. Join us as we get real about challenges, present valuable information and equip you with insights for a life that's as thriving as it is grounded. Because here we believe your ambitions are just the beginning. And now your host, penelope Magilniti.

Speaker 2:

Hi, welcome back to Unbound Ambitions, and today I want to talk about peace or, more accurately, why so many of us don't have it. So two weeks ago I flew to England for my best friend's wedding and, instead of rushing back, I gave myself some extra days. I added, actually I think it was three extra days. So I met up with some clients, I had long coffee and wine chats with good friends. I wandered through Hyde Park for those of you that you are familiar with the UK, this is a huge park where late Diana's Princess Diana's memorial is I did a little bit of window shopping and basically I allowed myself to breathe, without schedule, without agenda, just me, the sunshine. I was so blessed London had sunshine and very good weather and observed the world around me and it felt so good.

Speaker 2:

And yet many of us or I dare to say most of us don't allow ourselves this kind of space. Our lives they are packed. Even if we could find a little bit of I don't know, maybe 30 minutes, 40 minutes, we made sure that we have something to do, that we fill that gap, that we fill that space. So our checklists are full. We believe that the more we do, the more financially secure we will become, the more happy we will be. We cannot buy happiness, and happiness is not external. Happiness is those moments that you just pause and you decide that this time is for me. Now, for the next 30 minutes, I am going to just sit down and observe, or I am going to go for a walk, or I will read a book, or I will sleep. We check all the boxes that other people are telling us they are important for our success, for our happiness, for our mental health, for our overall well-being. But all these boxes, they are things that we must do, and all these boxes, they are the ones that they keep feeding our overwhelm, they keep making us feel drained and they keep pushing us to become more and more disconnected from ourselves.

Speaker 2:

And I know because I felt that way for many, many, many years, and I've mentioned this before. But I was so exhausted Since I started working and I started working when I was 18 years old and when I turned 19,. I was working two jobs while I was doing my degree, distance learning and since then, for me, it was all this checklist, always on the go, always to do something, never to stop, and I burned out and I was overwhelmed and I was exhausted and I couldn't sleep in the evening even though I was so tired. And all this creates frustration. And I was so frustrated because my effort weren't fully appreciated.

Speaker 2:

And, on the top of that, lonely At loneliness, even when the relationship exists, even when you have your partner that loves you, if you, inside of you, you don't have the peace, you cannot see the joy and you're getting lost in your negativity, in your tiredness, in your overwhelm. Maybe, hearing me today, maybe hearing this episode, you felt that too, or maybe you are feeling it right now. Maybe you've caught yourself comparing your life to other women's lives. Maybe you found yourself worrying about too many things or feeling that you always have to be in the go mode just to keep up. And this struggle isn't necessary. This is the message that I want to pass today to you this struggle that always being on the go, always trying to achieve, always doing 1,000 things, isn't necessary, because what we need is to identify the chains that they are holding us bound to the war, what we should do, what we must do, what other people telling us to do, and break them, to find our peace, to find that little moments that they will make us breathe, and I know this has been a big intro, but this is what we are going to talk about today what's really stealing your peace and how to start getting it back. So I want to start with the first thing that I believe is very important, and that is the illusion of control and why we keep saying yes. So I want to discuss this saying yes mentality, where every part of us is screaming for no, and we all know what I mean here. I bet we all do so.

Speaker 2:

For some of us, it might be that we take on extra projects at work when we are already stretched thin. Or maybe we handle things with our partners differently. Where we shouldn't try to manage things, A partnership is. There is communication, there is conversation, there is understanding. We must learn to express and communicate the needs we have to them. Or maybe we agree to plans that, even though we are completely wiped out, and even if this is what you do, I bet you're paying the price, and the price that you're paying is your peace.

Speaker 2:

And again, this goes back to the conditioning that you had growing up, because probably you have been taught that your worth is tied to how much you do and how much you give. Maybe they've told you that your worth is tied to how much you can handle, that your worth is tied to how much you can handle, how well you can juggle everything at once. And that belief system especially the belief that your worth is tied to how you perform it's what is keeping you stuck in over-functioning mode, carrying burdens that aren't even yours to hold. So what will happen if you started practicing radical honesty with yourself now on from this minute? I am honest, 100% honest. If I don't feel like to do something, I will say no. If I cannot handle another project, I will say no, thank you, but no, I am not available for this project. I cannot add another project on my already overloaded workload.

Speaker 2:

And you do this without guilt, without over explaining and without softening the impact, because we try so much to justify things also, and we feel guilty because we cannot handle things. I want to share this for you, and it's part of my story, and I know that I'm sharing lots of things from my past, but I believe it's important to understand that if you're feeling like this, if you're feeling that you are giving, giving, giving and you're unable to say no because of guilt, know that you're not alone and you can change it. Like I changed, like other women changed, I changed, like other women changed. So for years I thought that the more I gave, the more valuable I was, and I found myself doing things that I shouldn't for also my own safety. But I was on a mission to prove my worth, so I put myself in danger.

Speaker 2:

But when you give so much apart from people taking advantage of you you personally you start feeling resentment, you start feeling exhaustion, you start feeling disappointment. And these feelings are there because deep down, when you forgive, always, always, always, there is this unspoken expectation that people will appreciate you more, they are going to love you more, they're going to acknowledge you more, and when you don't see this, when they don't, you end up frustrated and depleted, and that's how you lose your peace and honestly, it's not worth it. And if you're skeptical about what I'm saying here and if you want to test it, do this Think when was the last time you said yes? It can be last week, last couple of days or even last couple of hours, depending where you're listening this episode With all honesty, answer this question Did you want to say yes to the thing that you said yes to, with all honesty, answer the question.

Speaker 2:

And if you wanted to say no but you said yes, how would you feel if you had said no? Imagine saying no. Would you feel less burdened, relieved, would you feel guilt? What would you feel if you had said no? And lastly, think about this what would you gain by choosing peace over people-pleasing? Because, at the end of the day, you people please, when you cannot add another thing on your already overloaded agenda but you say, yeah, sure, I can do this, no problem, of course I can do this. And inside of you you're thinking, oh s, why on earth did I take this on right now? I have to stay up late. I don't have time for this. I have to take time from my family for this. I have to work on weekends to deliver this. I have to skip the gym to be able to do this. Oh, I have to cancel that lunch with my girlfriends. These are the results if, automatically, you say yes at the expense of your own sanity and peace. So go ahead. I challenge you to go ahead and answer these three questions and let me repeat them. When was the last time that you didn't say no, when you wanted to, that you said yes, how would you feel if you had said no? What would you gain by choosing peace over people pleasing?

Speaker 2:

Another sneaky way we drain our own peace is the fact that our minds never shut up, and I call this the overthinking spiral, and it sounds like this we replay conversations, we overanalyze what someone told us and what he or she meant, or what they texted us. What that about? So we think it over and over and over again, or when we anticipate conflicts that haven't even happened yet. Have we ever been in that position, thinking about something and starting creating scenarios over and over and over of what might happen? And they responded like this and you create a whole scenario out of a thought, out of a story, and because of that thought and because of that story, you become upset. Most of the times, worst case scenario is like it's a full-time job and, if we want to be honest, overthinking is just another illusion of control. You overthink things to figure out what is going to happen, so you can control. So we tell ourselves that if we just think about it enough, we can prevent things from going wrong. Just think about it enough, we can prevent things from going wrong. Like we can influence and we have power over other people and their actions, but what actually does this thing is to drain our energy and makes us second-guessing everything.

Speaker 2:

Overthinking was my forte and there were times that I found myself upset and angry because of overthinking, and it destroyed my whole day, my whole mood. So the minute you understand how powerful your thoughts are and how powerful the overthinking and the consequences of overthinking, you can change it. And I want to give you this small practice for this, because this is what I used to do, and every time I catch myself, even now, to go into this overthinking drive, I go back into this five-minute exercise. So when you find yourself into an overthinking spiral, just ask yourself these two questions and it will help you to see the perspective and change gears. Let's just say so. These two questions are the following what's taking up unnecessary space in my thinking, in my mind today? What takes space unnecessary space in my mind today, and is this something I can control? And if the answer is no, then forget about it. If the answer is yes, then you start asking different questions. But let it go. If you cannot control it, write it down, read it up, do whatever you need to do, just let it go. And that's why I'm saying that journaling does miracles, because it helps redrain your brain, to release the thoughts that aren't serving you and, trust me, it makes a huge difference when you start doing this, when you become more aware of your thinking and the spiral that you are creating because of it.

Speaker 2:

If you catch yourself in an overthinking loop, think about this If I knew everything was going to be okay, what would I choose to focus on instead? And you can ask this question when you decide that actually I can influence this thing that is bothering me right now, I have power to change it. So when you understand that, yes, I can change this situation, I can change, I have the power to change something. So I will repeat the question If I knew everything was going to be okay, what would I choose to focus on instead? By this simple refrain, you gain so much control over your thoughts and you stop your mind from going in an overdrive. If you need to print it, to write it on a sticky note and have it in front of you or have it as a reminder on your phone, just do it. It will help you avoid the overthinking loop.

Speaker 2:

So let's move now to something else that we all do, and that is self-betrayal. And again, self-betrayal happens whenever we agree to something that doesn't align with us, that doesn't align with what we want in our lives, what we are working on, inner wisdom. Who tells you not to go ahead with what you are considering accepting? You are self-betraying yourself. It also happens every time you suppress your emotions to keep the peace, every time you force yourself into roles that drain you, that voice inside you, the one that says this doesn't feel right. Have you ever paid notice, notice to this voice inside of you that said uh, doesn't feel right. This thing, that's your intuition. And every time you ignore it, you betray yourself.

Speaker 2:

And again, this is a byproduct of what we have been taught for years to be agreeable to, to be easygoing, to be accommodating. But what they neglected to add to the curriculum that they gave us is that, if we're constantly putting our own needs last, the message that it sends to ourselves and, of course, to the other people is that our needs don't matter. And we all know it's not true. But again, many of us think like this, and this is what made me, in the first place, to write my latest book, close Out Thriving in a World that Wants you Tamed. It's all about that book. It's all about being agreeable, easygoing and accommodating as women, and it's time to stop, and we have the power to stop it, because your desires, your boundaries, your well-being, they matter just as much as anyone else's, just as much as your kids, just as much as your partner, just as much as your friends, your parents, your co-workers. They matter exactly the same.

Speaker 2:

So what's one small way you can honor yourself every day? And I know I'm asking you lots of questions today, but again, my intention is for you to find your peace, to come in terms with who you are, with what you want and what you are willing to say no to. So I would like you to think a small way, one small way that you can honor yourself every day. Maybe speaking up when you usually stay quiet. Maybe it's communicating your needs to your partner. Maybe it's prioritizing rest over productivity. Whatever it is, you must take the leap, you must find the courage and you must use your voice to express what it is that you want. What it is that you want.

Speaker 2:

Another peace dealer is feeling unsupported in relationships and this is one of the hardest topics that women avoid discussing and feeling unsupported in relationship usually looks like this you cheer your partner on, you make space for his dreams, his struggles, his wins, you are there for him 100%. But when it's your turn to share, it feels like he's too busy, too distracted, too uninterested, and after a while, at some point, you stop trying, you pull back, and the result is the distance between you, the distance that it was there but you were trying to convince yourself that it's just a phase. He's just too busy, too stressed. It will pass that distance the minute you stop trying. It grows. And again, I'm not talking out of a textbook. I've been there and it's painful. But one thing that I want to stress here is this and it's painful. But one thing that I want to stress here is this and again, speaking from experience, before we jump to conclusions, I want you to look back and think if it was always like this or if it was something that shifted along the way.

Speaker 2:

A lot of ambitious women, myself included, operate in their masculine energy all the time. We lead, manage, make decisions, and while this works in our career, in our businesses, as leaders, as managers, it can create an imbalance in relationships. So you might fall into the illusion and false conclusion that, instead of feeling cherished and supported, you feel like you have to do it all at home as well. And this is where our partners take a step back, because a man, a masculine man, wants to support. It doesn't have to do with equality here. It doesn't have to do with the feminine movement, nothing about this.

Speaker 2:

I believe in equality and I want just to put it out there, but coming from a man's perspective. Our men want to support us, they want to help us, and we deprive them the need to support and help if we don't allow them to do it. And it doesn't have to do again with equality. It has to do more with the balance of masculine and feminine, and we've heard many times people say that being feminine is powerful, and I believe it 100%. Again, I want to be clear here. Yet we don't allow ourselves to embrace our feminine essence because of the false beliefs and myths that that we have been fed for so long. Where are you allowing yourself to receive? Where are you allowing your partner to take the lead sometimes? Where are you tapping into your feminine energy? Do you believe that your feminine energy is not weakness but a powerful force of balance, because your relationship doesn't have to feel like a battleground and you don't have to carry it all alone.

Speaker 2:

So if the peace dealer in your situation is feeling unsupported in your relationship, before you start expressing your anger, resentment, disappointment to your partner, take some time to evaluate the whole situation. Be honest, go back, remember situations where you felt like this, where your partner withdrew, where your partner wasn't willing to support you, to help you, and find the real cause of his behavior. Was it because you denied him for so long his support or was it because he was always uninterested? And once you're clear, then you act, but not before.

Speaker 2:

And the last piece dealer is the quiet fear of aging. And this fear lingers beneath the surface, ladies, because If you are in your late 40s, mid 40s, early 50s I am 52, we start paying more attention to younger women. So you might see younger women stepping into the spaces you've worked so hard to occupy and you might be wondering if you're still desirable, relevant, worthy of attention. And it's human, it's human to start feeling this. You know nagging, but again, we don't have to allow it to overpower our thoughts and our actions. The world, again the world, tells women that their value has an expiration date and that lie has seeped into our subconscious.

Speaker 2:

And if you have been following me for some time, you know that the truth is that your power is not in your youth. It's in your experience, your wisdom, your depth. So no one can replicate the journey you've walked, the lessons you've learned or the presence you bring into a room. I want you to remember this no one can replicate you, no one can replicate your journey, no one can replicate your wisdom, not the wisdom that comes from textbooks, but the wisdom that comes from within, once you believe in yourself. So stop measuring yourself against a version of yourself that no longer exists. Because we've been 20s at some point. Our knowledge, our wisdom was different in our 20s rather than now that we are. For those of us that we are in our 50s, stop measuring yourself against the old version of you and start seeing yourself as a woman who is evolving, not fading.

Speaker 2:

Peace is something you actively choose, moment by moment, and it requires boundary self-awareness and willingness to let go of everything that no longer serves you. So, now that we've covered the peace dealers and I will summarize them again quickly the illusion of control, the overthinking spiral, self-betrayal, feeling unsupported in your relationship, the quiet fear of aging. Out of these five, which one applies to you? Or maybe you have more than one. I used to wrap up and I think this episode is very important to understand where we are losing our sleep, when we're losing our peace. But there is another also feeling that is making us losing our peace and I haven't covered it here because I am going to deliver a whole webinar around it and I would like to invite you to this free webinar. It's going to happen on the 2nd of April, 6 pm EET. I will add the link in the show notes later on, when we are ready, because technically we are not ready yet, but I will add it afterwards in the show notes.

Speaker 2:

And that feeling is guilt. That's a strong feeling that we have. So if you're tired of feeling like you have to justify everything that you do, everything that you do, justify your decisions, justify your no's, justify why you are not accepting to do something, if you are tired to prove yourself over and over, if you had enough of carrying guilt every time you put yourself first, this webinar is for you First. This webinar is for you. Guilt is something I am coaching almost every session. I have with my clients Almost every session, almost in every session, the subject of guilt is coming up. Are we talking about relationships? Guilt is there. Are we coaching about work? Guilt is there. Are we coaching about finances? Guilt is there. Are we coaching about work? Guilt is there. Are we coaching about finances? Guilt is there. So it's taking lots of space, lots of mind space and in creating lots and lots of problems and self-sabotage.

Speaker 2:

So, as I already said, mark your calendar 2nd of April, 6 pm EET. I will send the link later on. Or, if you haven't received the link, if you cannot find the link, send me a message and I will send it to you. During this free webinar, we are going to dive deep into the why, why women carry so much guilt, how it secretly drains our confidence and peace and, most importantly, what we need to do to finally release it. Let it go. Done with it once and for all. It's going to be a transformational conversation. If you have specific questions, send them to me and please join us.

Speaker 2:

I want you to remember closing this episode. I want you to remember that peace isn't something that magically appears when life finally slows down. Life will never slow down. The minute we overcome one challenge, something else will appear. It's something you actively choose. Peace is something you actively choose every single day. You can find peace in the boundaries you set, the thoughts you let go of. You can find peace in the way you show up for yourself. Remember, always remember, that you don't have to earn rest, you don't have to prove your worth by overgiving, and you definitely don't have to carry guilt for prioritizing yourself.

Speaker 2:

So my challenge to you is pick one thing from today's episodes and put it into action. Maybe pick two things, I'm biased here. Pick one thing from the episode, and the second thing that I want you to put into action is to block the time for the webinar 2nd of April. Maybe the one action apart from the webinar, which is a done deal. You have to say no to something that drains you. Maybe it's pausing when you start overthinking, or maybe it's just recognizing that when you're betraying yourself, and then you stop and you choose to act differently.

Speaker 2:

Whatever it is, I want you to commit to it, even if it's a minor, minor, minor thing. Commit to that minor step, because small shifts lead to big transformations. And, if this conversation is something that resonated with you, if you're ready to release the guilt and reclaim your peace. Sign up again for the live webinar on April the 2nd and until next time, take a deep breath, give yourself permission to be and never forget that your peace is worth protecting always. Much love, thank you for joining me on this episode of Unbound Ambitions. If today's conversation sparked something in you, share this episode with another woman who needs to hear it, and if you're ready to eliminate guilt once and for all, sign up for the live webinar on April 2nd. The link will be in the show notes, dm me if you cannot find it to secure your spot, and I look forward to see you inside.