Unbound Ambitions; Career. Relationships. Wellbeing

Breaking Free From Your Inner Voice That Is Holding You Back

• Penelope Magoulianiti • Season 5 • Episode 4

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In this episode, we tackle the persistent voice of self-doubt many women experience, offering tools to turn that inner critic into a source of strength.

 We examine the origins of this voice, challenge the societal constructs surrounding women's potential, and provide actionable strategies to instill confidence and foster self-advocacy.

• Exploring the origins of the inner critic
• The societal pressures that foster self-doubt
• How industries benefit from women's insecurities 
• Visualizing the inner critic as a misguided protector
• Strategies to identify triggers of self-doubt 
• Disarming the inner critic with personal achievements 
• Introducing and cultivating the inner advocate 
• Taking action as a countermeasure to doubt 
• Encouraging a culture of empowerment among women

After listening to this episode, if you’re ready to explore this behavior further and understand its root cause, let’s talk. Book your complimentary call here.

Enjoy
xox

P.S.: Learn more about and order Claws Out, Thriving in a World That Wants You Tamed here.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Unbound Ambitions, the podcast where aspirations meet action, dreams fuel drive and every ceiling is just another floor to break through. Here we celebrate the power of persistence, explore the art of balancing career and personal life and unlock the secrets to growth and fulfillment. Whether climbing the corporate ladder, navigating entrepreneurship or finding harmony in your daily life, unbound Ambitions is your companion in journeying toward your highest goals. Join us as we get real about challenges, present valuable information and equip you with insights for a life that's as thriving as it is grounded. Because here we believe your ambitions are just the beginning. And now your host, penelope Magilniti.

Speaker 2:

Hello and welcome to another episode of Unbound Ambitions, and I want to start this episode with a moment of truth. Have you ever felt like, no matter how much you accomplish, it's not good enough, like there is a voice inside you chipping away at your confidence, questioning whether you are capable, worthy or deserving? I know I have, and if you also feel this way, know that many women do, because that voice is your inner critic and it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to change how you respond to it, and today we are going to do just that. I will show you why that voice exists, how it's been shaped by a world that benefits from your self-doubt and, most importantly, how to turn it into a source of strength. You don't need to quiet your inner critic, because no matter what you try or how hard you try, it's always going to be there. But what you need to do is to rise above it, and by the end of this episode I will give you the tools to do just that to learn how to rise above your inner critic. So if you're ready, let's begin. I want to stress again the importance that the voice that tells you you are not good enough is not your voice. It echoes everything you've been told by society, culture, people who doubted you or underestimated you.

Speaker 2:

When I wrote my latest book, close Out, thriving in a World that Wants you Tamed, I shared how this voice shaped so much of my own life. This voice told me to play small, to stay quiet, to avoid risks, because what if I failed? What if the result I was creating wasn't perfect? What if I was judged? But we all know that we cannot control what other people think about us. We cannot control their judgments. What we can control, it's our own judging us, and I bet I said that wrong. What we can control is us judging us, and I bet I said that wrong. What we can control is us judging us, us stopping to judge ourselves. And I interviewed over 30 women for my book and most of them raised the subject of self-doubt. And it's shocking, yes, but it's also the truth, because the world is not built for women to succeed when we embrace our full power.

Speaker 2:

The world thrives when we hold ourselves back, and I want you to think about this for a moment. Industries, many industries, make billions on the thought that we are lacking something, on the thought that we are not good enough, on the thought that we need to fix ourselves, to fit in, to fix our faces, to become more beautiful, to fix our bodies, to fix so many different things. Industries thrives on the message you are not good enough and you need fixing. So when you hear that voice, I want you to remember that is not you. It's everything you've been taught about who you are allowed to be, and today I want us to rewrite that script. So tell me who benefits when you doubt yourself? Think about it. Who benefits when you hesitate to ask for a promotion, or when you apologize for taking up space, or when you say no to an opportunity because you are afraid you are not ready? It's not you.

Speaker 2:

That inner critic, that inner voice that is holding you back, is trying to protect you. Yes, it's a misguided way to protect you, but it's also trying to keep you small by doing it, and I want you to think you're in a critic as a backseat driver. That driver is trying to keep you safe, but in doing so, it also distracts you. It keeps you in the same lane and stops you from taking bold turns. And this metaphor reminds me actually me and my son the other day. He's learning to drive now. So obviously he's driving, whenever he can, my car, I'm sitting next to him and I'm trying to guide him and obviously I am stressed, I am very vigilant and have this fear of what. If you know, this is my baby sitting behind the wheel. So the other day, the car in front of us pushed the brake suddenly and my son didn't do it simultaneously and I screamed, I said, harry, stop. But what I did it was me stressing him out and thank God, he stayed calm and collected, unlike his mom. He stayed calm and collected, unlike his mom and he said mom, please stop doing that. You are stressing me out and it's exactly this. This is what our inner critic does. It keeps us from pushing forward, from stepping into our power, and it doesn't serve us when we stay small. It doesn't serve the people we were meant to impact and it certainly doesn't serve our dreams.

Speaker 2:

The voice that says who do you think you are? That voice is scared of your power. That voice is scared of your power Because the moment you decide to stop listening, everything changes. And today I want you to see that change, that that change is your responsibility, not just to yourself, but also to the people that you care about. And if you're a mother like me, it's our responsibility to teach and show our kids that we can silence that voice, that it tries to keep us within certain boundaries, because if we continue to listen and believe it, because if we continue to listen and believe it, what we do is prolonging our suffering and pain and we teach them the same.

Speaker 2:

I believe, with all of my conviction, that every human being is destined for great things. I believe this with all my heart. But most of us don't achieve our fullest potential because we stop ourselves. We allow our insecurities, the insecurities of other people, to stop us and to keep us bound into our little boxes, and we are not managing to rise by silencing our inner critic. Our inner critic will always be there. What we can do is to amplify a louder, firmer voice, and this voice is the voice of your inner advocate. That voice knows who you are. That voice knows what you are capable of, even when you forget. And everything is in balance From one side of the scale, you have your inner critic. On the other, you have your inner critic. On the other, you have your inner advocate. The one you choose to listen to is what is going either to hold you back or push you to become the woman you were always meant to be.

Speaker 2:

This inner struggle that I am talking about is not unfamiliar to me. My inner critic was very loud for many years, and I've been talking about this. I've been talking about my struggles, but it was my inner critic that helped me back from applying for new roles, from getting promotions, from standing up for myself. Looking back, every time I stopped myself from doing something. It was because I listened to that inner creating telling me either I wasn't good enough or who do you think you are? You are the daughter of a bankrupt man. You are a girl with no inheritance, with no money. You are a young girl, a young lady that didn't go to the university because her parents couldn't afford to do it for her to pay for her tuition, and you chose to work two jobs and do your degree distance learning. Who do you think you are? Instead of taking all these circumstances and using them as my force, as my power, I allowed my inner critic to hold me back, not to apply, to feel shame about my parents' financial situation, to try to avoid telling my surname, using my surname because of that shame, and I can tell you honestly that it's not a good place to be. There is a lot of suffering in that space, but I managed to shift the balance of power, and if I manage to do it, you can do it too. And I want to share with you the steps that I took.

Speaker 2:

And the first step is to catch the critic in action. You can't stop what you don't see, so what you can do is to start paying attention to the moments when the critic shows up. What triggers it? What does it say? Does it sound familiar? And let me give you a spoiler here it might not even be your voice that you are listening at that particular moment. It might sound like a parent or a teacher or someone who doubted you years ago.

Speaker 2:

Pay attention to the repeated messages and stories that you are listening and then, once you recognize the triggers, the thoughts and the stories, I want you to disarm this critic with evidence. So, for example, if you're in, a critic is saying to you you're not good enough, I want you to reply back according to whom I'm not good enough? According to whom Our inner critic speaks in absolutes, but you have proof that is wrong. So I would like to invite you every time that your inner critic says something to you. I want you to make a list of five things, and five times you've proven it wrong. Five moments when you did something hard, when you stepped out of your comfort zone, when you achieved something incredible, and I want you to keep that list handy. That list is your defense to the stories that that voice is telling you over and over again. And debating with my inner critic is something that I used to do every day. Now it's less fragrant, but it will never be silenced. So don't be disappointed if you catch yourself debating many times during the day. Instead of being disappointed, I want you to celebrate the fact that you are becoming more aware of all those times that you are debating, that you are not accepting on a subconscious level the wrong messages.

Speaker 2:

And once you do step one and step two. And step one is to catch the critic in action and step two is to disarm the critic with evidence. You know your list of five things. Then the final step is to introduce your inner advocate, and I would like to invite you to post this episode, to grab a pen and write this down. What would your most supportive friend or mentor say to you right now, friend or mentor, say to you right now, what would you say to someone you love who was doubting themselves? This is your inner advocate and I want you to practice speaking to yourself with that voice. And in the beginning you might find this step hard to do, and it's okay. But it's easier to believe the negative things about ourselves than defending ourselves, and that's why it might. But we can learn to do it. We can do it. We can decide to be persistent until we manage it.

Speaker 2:

Action is the antidote to doubt and you won't always feel confident, and again, that's okay. Confidence isn't a feeling that you can miraculously acquire. Confidence is a byproduct of taking action. So when your critic tries to stop you, I want you to decide to take one small step forward anyway. I want you to feel that fear. I want you to hear the doubt and act anyway. That's how you start changing and you start believing in yourself more.

Speaker 2:

Before we close, let me leave you with one final thought. You don't have to live with the voice that tells you you are not good enough. You have the power to rise above it. Rewrite it and amplify the voice that reminds you of your strength. This is your moment.

Speaker 2:

Stop waiting for permission to take the next step, and if you're ready to explore this behavior further and understand its root cause, I would like to invite you to a chat with me. Let's talk. This is the work I do every day. I am helping women like you rewrite the stories that hold them back and step into the lives they were made for. Book your free call with me today using the link you will see in the show notes, and I will devote one hour to help you recognize what is happening so you can act on whatever is blocking you from moving forward. My process is simple and yet powerful, and the most important thing is that you don't have to figure this out alone.

Speaker 2:

So, before you go, let me tell you one more thing. I want to give you a glimpse of what's coming next on Unbound Ambitions. So in our next episode, we are going to dive into a topic that, again, many women don't talk about openly, and that is feeling lonely in your relationship. Feeling lonely in your relationship. So, whether you are in a long-term partnership, a new relationship or even surrounded by people you love, loneliness can sneak in and make you question everything. We will unpack why this happens, what it means and how you can bridge that gap, to find deeper connection, not just with your partner but with yourself. I believe you won't want to miss it. Ladies doesn't need a tamed version of you. It needs you bold, powerful and thriving. Until next time, much love.