Can setting personal boundaries be an act of love and respect?
This episode explores the essential topic of setting boundaries without guilt, revealing how societal conditioning makes it challenging for women to prioritize their needs.
By identifying red flags and offering actionable strategies, we empower listeners to reclaim their energy and establish healthier relationships with themselves and others.
• The importance of reframing boundaries in our lives • Recognizing signs that indicate a need for firmer boundaries • Emotional labor and its relation to boundary-setting • Real-life examples illustrating the necessity for boundaries • Three actionable strategies for setting boundaries without guilt • Rewiring beliefs about boundaries as acts of love • Learning to embrace discomfort when saying no • Creating flexible yet firm boundaries that honor personal needs • Introducing a free burnout assessment tool for listeners
Welcome to Unbound Ambitions, the podcast where aspirations meet action, dreams fuel drive and every ceiling is just another floor to break through. Here we celebrate the power of persistence, explore the art of balancing career and personal life and unlock the secrets to growth and fulfillment. Whether climbing the corporate ladder, navigating entrepreneurship or finding harmony in your daily life, unbound Ambitions is your companion in journeying toward your highest goals. Join us as we get real about challenges, present valuable information and equip you with insights for a life that's as thriving as it is grounded. Because here we believe your ambitions are just the beginning. And now your host, penelope Magilniti.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
You've likely been told to just set boundaries, like it's as simple as flipping a switch. But have you ever stopped to wonder why it feels so hard? Why is it unnatural to do it? For many of us, the guilt we feel about boundaries isn't random. It's the result of years of conditioning that taught us to prioritize everyone else's needs over our own. Welcome to another episode of Unbound Ambitions. I'm your host, penelope Maglianiti, and today we are breaking the myth that boundaries are selfish, unkind or impossible to set without ruining relationships. We are going beyond the surface tips you've heard before and we are diving into the real reasons we struggle with boundaries. By the end of this episode, you will have actionable strategies to set guilt-free boundaries and a way to figure out where you might be burnt out and need stronger limits.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
Let's start by reframing what boundaries actually are. They are not walls that shut people out. Framing what boundaries actually are they are not walls that shut people out. They are rules for how you allow others to treat you and how you protect your time, your energy and, most importantly, your emotional well-being. Most importantly, your emotional well-being. And I want you to think of boundaries like invisible energy gates and when these invisible energy gates are open to everyone and everything, your reserves are depleted. But with boundaries, you decide who and what gets access and for how long. And let me tell you what happens without boundaries. I want you for a second to imagine that you are a glass of water. If you keep pouring out your energy without refilling this glass of water, you will end up empty. And an empty glass can't serve anyone. And you start feeling tired or irritable because you are empty. And yet it's not just about that.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
Without boundaries, you might notice you've lost touch with what you enjoy or even stopped dreaming about what's possible for your life and for ambitious women, the lack of boundaries often looks like overperformance. Overperformance, we take on more because we've internalized the idea that our value is tied to how much we do and not who we are. Please listen to this. We internalize and we connect the idea that our value, that we are valuable, that we are worthy if we do more. We internalize the idea that our value is connected to how much we take on, how much we do, how we perform, and it's not that. It's who we are as a person, our values, our skills, our strengths, our personality, our strengths, our personality and it's because of this conditioning that it feels so hard to say no. Yes, guilt plays a part of it, but it's not just guilt, it's the fear of losing our worth. It's the fear that others, they, may think we don't know enough or we are not worthy enough.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
And I would like to give you and explore the signs that you need to set boundaries, or if you believe that you have boundaries, to set stronger ones. Because what I've said before, it's not about losing our worth, it's about gaining worth, because with boundaries people start paying more attention and they start respecting who we are. But first let's figure out and let's discover the red flags that exist and they show us if we need stronger boundaries. So the first layer of red flags might look like this you feel resentful after agreeing to things. The minute you agree to something, after a couple of seconds, inside this resentment starts building up. Another sign can be you constantly put others' needs above your own. You might need rest, but because a friend said, oh, please come with me to the gym, because I'm going through this breakdown and I want you and I want to talk to you, you don't stay to rest, you jump on a car and you just go, or maybe you find it hard to say no, even when you are overwhelmed. And these go hand in hand with the previous example that I gave you. But I don't want to stop here. I want to go deeper and explore the less obvious red flags and what they look like, so you can understand with honesty what's going on in your life. So let's explore three deeper, less obvious red flags. Less obvious red flags.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
One you avoid certain people or situations because they always leave you drained, and this avoidance is your coping mechanism for unspoken boundaries. Think about this which people do you avoid and why? Why do you find in excuses and we all have these people in our lives that they drain us, that they take energy from us, that after we talk to them we feel worse? Who are they and how do you change this? If they are immediate family, what boundaries can you create? Obviously, you cannot delete them from your life, but what boundaries can you create and I know what I'm talking about because I have this kind of people in my life which they are family, and I cannot delete them. I cannot avoid them forever, and I have created boundaries to steer the conversation when it goes straight to the negative, when it goes straight to the painful. When it goes straight to, the world is ending and there is nothing we can do and we are helpless and everything is black and everything is negative. I steer the situation somewhere else. I created that boundary that I decided I'm not going to go down to that road. I'm not going to go down to this route because it will leave me depleted and anxious and stressed. How about you?
Penelope Magoulianiti:
Another sign is another red flag is you feel like you are constantly fixing other people's problems, even when no one explicitly asks you to, and this is emotional labor disguised as helping. I am guilty as charged with this one as well. I was trying constantly to fix my parents' problems, and they didn't want me to fix it for them, but because deep inside, I was feeling guilty for me to live the lifestyle, for me to have so many great things in my life, and I could see them struggling. I wanted to help, but they weren't open to accept my help and I was in this emotional labor every single day. Are you doing the same? And the last red flag that I want to touch here is you are irritable with loved ones for seemingly small things, and you do this because they are the only people you feel safe expressing your burnout. Let's be honest have you ever exploded because your child by mistake split milk on the countertop? Have you ever snapped at your husband for no particular reason? These are signs that you are tired, overwhelmed and you cannot handle even the smallest things anymore. And I want to share with you the example of one of my clients because I want to show you how leading a life without boundaries can influence and, in some cases, ruin relationships.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
So this client of mine had a very good position in the organization that she worked for and because of that she believed that she couldn't turn off her work phone, even when at family dinners the work phone was always on the table. And her reason for doing it was her belief that being available 24-7 showed dedication. So what she was doing was to juggling time with her daughter with work, taking on calls while at the playground if needed. And it wasn't until her daughter exploded that she realized what she was doing. So the daughter, she was angry because mama wasn't paying attention to her and she said and they, you know, they say that if you want to learn the truth, you are going to learn it either from a child or a crazy person. So the daughter said you're always paying more attention to your work phone than me. Bang Hard truth. Because her lack of boundaries didn't benefit the relationship with her kid. It didn't benefit her relationship with her husband either and certainly it didn't benefit her health. And she was doing all this for work. And guess what, it wasn't beneficial for her work either, because she was taken for granted.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
And I want to flip this to you how about you? Did you experience a similar situation in your life? Maybe it wasn't with your kid, maybe it was with your partner, blaming your work for your disconnection or lack of passion, interest in the relationship? Maybe Think about this. You might have experienced it or you might be experiencing it right now. Pause this podcast and journal around it. It's very important to understand where the disconnection begins, and is it due to lack of boundaries or is it due to something else? A big percentage for our relationship problems comes from lack of boundaries. So let me give you now three strategies, as always, to set boundaries without guilt, and these three strategies they will help you decide on and set boundaries without that guilt that we carry so much as women, that we carry so much as women.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
And the first strategy is to rewire your beliefs about boundaries. As I mentioned at the beginning of this podcast, one reason we avoid boundaries is because we've been taught that they are rude or selfish. But let's flip the script here. What if setting boundaries is actually the most generous thing you can do to yourself and to your loved ones? Think about it Instead of I feel guilty when I say no. How about consider boundaries as an act of love for myself and for those who I care deeply about, as actions that they show people how to interact with me in a way that fosters healthy, sustainable relationships? And let me give you an example to make this more clear. If you're constantly finding yourself saying yes and then resenting the person who asked, obviously you are not fostering connection. You're fostering quiet resentment, and boundaries can prevent that, because boundaries make you feel valued, understood and appreciated. So I want you to start practicing rewiring the beliefs. You carry around boundaries. You carry around boundaries.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
The second strategy that I want to give you is to learn to sit with discomfort. When you first find yourself saying no, you might feel deeply uncomfortable, and that's because you're challenging a lifetime of people-pleasing habits. So next time, do this. I want you to pause and name the emotion that comes up when you say no. Is it guilt? Is it fear of judgment? Or maybe it's the fear of being labeled as ignorant snobbish if this is a word, I'm not sure or is it something else? And once you identify the emotion? And once you identify the emotion, I want you to remind yourself that the discomfort comes because you are growing, you are practicing a new way of showing up in the world, and it's normal to feel uncomfortable because you are not used to it and because your mind is going to try to bring you back to your pleasing tendencies. This is what it does every time we step out of our comfort zone.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
Make a deal with yourself. I'm going to practice this for a month. I'm going to give it 30 days and see how it goes. Mind it's not going to be forever. I make all these deals with my mind constantly and it helps me put it at ease so it doesn't nagging me over and over again. So this mental deal, believe it or not, works. So will it become less uncomfortable? Maybe yes, maybe no. It's like learning a new skill. It might take you a week or even two weeks, depending how often you have to learn to stick to your boundaries until you start feeling better. But I want you to stay true to your word and sit with your discomfort. And let me tell you this you won't regret it at the end, because the more you learn to stay in your discomfort, the stronger you will become as a person, as a character and as a woman who she doesn't afraid to step up.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
And the third strategy that I want to share with you today is to create flexible but firm boundaries. Setting rigid boundaries can backfire, because life isn't always black and white. Most of the time, we live in the gray area of life. So, instead of setting boundaries you cannot follow through, focus on boundaries that honor your needs while allowing, the same time, adaptability. For example, instead of saying I will never take work calls after 7 pm and then go ahead and define what urgent means. This way, you allow some kind of flexibility, but you are not always available. But please note this Once you decide on what urgent means, you don't change it. This is the rule. What urgent means, you don't change it. This is the rule, because the minute you change this, forget boundaries and you teach your brain. Basically, if you are deciding on something and then you're breaking that decision. Basically, what you do is to teach your brain that I'm not going to stick to my word, whatever I say. We don't want that. So once you decide, then you stick to it.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
Now let's reframe guilt that may arise when we set boundaries, because this is very important. First, I want us to redefine selfishness. Guilt often shows up because we mistakenly prioritize ourselves as selfish, and we believe this because many of us we have been grown with this message. We have been conditioned to believe this message. I grew up with the message it's your duty to have your husband needs first before your own. So, of course, I will feel guilty every time I want to do something for myself. This is how I felt for many years. Do something for myself this is how I felt for many years. I wanted to go on a spa day and I was feeling guilty because I wouldn't cook for my husband. My conditioning was that deep. And even now, after so many years of working on myself, of changing my limiting beliefs, sometimes I grab myself still feeling this guilt.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
And yet the truth is that making yourself constantly available for others, it doesn't make you selfless. What does make you is drained and the most selfish thing you can do is to take care of yourself so you can show up fully for those people that matter. Listen to this To have the energy to devote time to things that light you up, that brings you joy and add value in your life. It will benefit people around you. Think of your energy as a bank account. When you are constantly withdrawing from that bank account without depositing, you will go into an emotional overdraft and that costs you more in the long run. I'm coming from a banking world, so the interest you're going to pay on this emotional overdraft it will be high. It may cost you your relationship or it may cost you your health, and there is no joy in life when we lose people that we love and burn ourselves to the. So if this episode resonated with you, it's time to take action. My free burnout assessment is designed to help you identify where you might be over committing, under bound to it or headed toward burnout. I created this tool to help you see where your energy is leaking and where you can start making changes immediately. You can find the link in the show notes or visit penelopemagoulianiti. com/ assessment.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
I want to leave you with this Don't wait until you're running on empty. To take the first step, I want to thank you for joining me today on Unbound Ambitions. Always remember that boundaries are an act of self-respect, not selfishness. Respect, not selfishness. Next week on Unbound Ambitions, we are tackling one of the most persistent challenges women face the relentless inner voice that says you are not good enough. If you ever felt paralyzed by self-doubt or your inner critic has too much power, I believe this episode will be helpful. We will uncover where this voice comes from, how it holds you back and, most importantly, how to silence it with self-compassion. I believe this episode could change the way you talk to yourself forever. So be sure to tune in Until next week, much love. Thank you so much for spending time with me today on Unbound Ambitions.
Penelope Magoulianiti:
I hope this episode gave you the clarity and encouragement to start setting boundaries that protect your energy without guilt. I choose to see boundaries as an essential act of self-care and self-respect, and the more you honor your own needs, the more you will thrive in every area of your life. If you're ready to take the next step, I highly recommend checking out my free burnout assessment. It's quick, insightful and designed to help you pinpoint where your energy might be draining and how to take back control. You can find the link in the show notes or visit penelopemagoulianiti. com/a ssessment And if today's conversation resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. Connect with me on Instagram, facebook, linkedin or drop me an email. I love hearing how you're applying these strategies in your life. Until next time, you're worthy of protecting your time, energy and peace. Start small, stay consistent and watch how much more aligned and fulfilled you will feel.
