Unbound Ambitions; Career. Relationships. Wellbeing

ROAR to Success

September 17, 2024 • Season 4 • Episode 3

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I was once denied basic resources like internet access at work simply because I am a woman!

This episode of Unbound Ambitions is dedicated to every woman who's ever been told she must sacrifice her well-being for success. We'll shatter the myth of sacrifice, exploring how societal pressures often dictate that women must choose between their ambitions and their personal happiness. Drawing from my own experiences and those of my clients, we dissect how these outdated beliefs lead to burnout and how you can reclaim your power by forging your own path.

Join me as I share the ROAR process from my book, 'Claws Out Living in a World that Wants You Tamed,' which stands for Recognize, Own, Act, and Redefine. This powerful framework is designed to help you identify unnecessary sacrifices, own your decisions, and take intentional actions to redefine what success means to you.

Through personal anecdotes and inspiring client stories, we'll emphasize the importance of embracing your true self, challenging detrimental norms, and creating a balanced, fulfilling life without compromising what matters most. Get ready to shift your mindset and assert your worth!

To learn more about the upcoming Free Masterclass, ROAR to Success: Achieve Career Growth Without Sacrificing Your Life, which will be held on October 24th at 6 p.m. CET, email me at info@penelopemagoulianiti.com

To buy the book Claws Out Living in a World That Wants You Tamed, click this link.

Enjoy.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Unbound Ambitions, the podcast where aspirations meet action, dreams fuel drive and every ceiling is just another floor to break through. Here we celebrate the power of persistence, explore the art of balancing career and personal life and unlock the secrets to growth and fulfillment. Whether climbing the corporate ladder, navigating entrepreneurship or finding harmony in your daily life, unbound Ambitions is your companion in journeying toward your highest goals. Join us as we get real about challenges, present valuable information and equip you with insights for a life that's as thriving as it is grounded. Because here we believe your ambitions are just the beginning. And now your host, penelope Magoulianiti.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

Hello and welcome back to Unbound Ambitions, the podcast for ambitious women who are ready to thrive without sacrifice. Last week, we talked about how to break free from societal expectations, outdated beliefs and norms that keep us within a box and stop allowing others to decide what is good for us and our overall well-being. It is something that it should immediately put into practice if we want to live a happy and fulfilling life. Actually, it's not about putting it into practice. It's more about understanding of the old narratives that guide our lives and deciding if we want to stop, evaluate and choose a different path to create the life that we want to create. So today we are diving into the work that I have created over the years, which helped me break free and start creating a life that I really enjoy, and now I am in the point that I can help my clients to do the same. And, as you have probably heard me refer to this many times, success doesn't have to come at the expense of our overall well-being or our relationships At any stage of your life. If you ever felt that you've had to make impossible choices and those choices might come in the form of choosing to pass on a new job role because you were afraid that you wouldn't meet the standards of the job or you might decide that it will take more time away of your family. So you chose to stay where you were, even though your heart was telling you no, you should go for this, you should do this. Or maybe because of your ambition to succeed, you now find yourself dealing with a strained relationship at home, and it hurts. If any of these scenarios resonate with you. I would like you to stay tuned on this episode, because today I will give you the framework, I will give you the process that will help you understand and explore the lies, and then it's up to you to start reclaiming your power without giving up the things that matter the most.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

So first I would like to talk about the narrative that so many women buy into. The idea is that to be successful, you have to sacrifice something important, whether it might be your health, your relationships, a hobby, maybe, or the most important one, the peace of mind. Because when we do something that we don't really want to, but we do it for someone else, we don't have peace of mind, and all these that I've just mentioned is the myth of sacrifice. Think about the pressure to say yes to every project, stay late at work and always be on. But also I would like you to think of the constant trade-off that comes with it, and it usually looks like this missing family events, skipping self-care, feeling burnt out and disconnected. And this myth of sacrifice persists because it is rooted in the belief that we must hassle harder than anyone else to prove ourselves.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

We have been told so many times that we are not good enough, that we've made ourselves to be on a mission to prove them wrong. So, instead of questioning the good enough part, we actually see it from another perspective, instead of when we hear oh, you're not good enough for this job or you are just a woman, like they told me. I remember, while I was working in the UK, the manager back then told me you know what? I'm not going to allow you to have internet access because you are a woman, and I questioned that. I questioned it a lot and I rebelled. I remember back then I rebelled. I remember back then I rebelled. But they also told me we are skeptical to pay for this, for you to take this lessons and sit the exams to gain license as a private banker, because you are a woman, and we are not sure that you're going to make it and basically they were telling me you are not clever enough and back then I didn't question it. So what I did?

Penelope Magoulianiti:

I studied very hard because I am a stubborn person, I might say person, I might say I may say and I studied very hard and I remember waking up 4 am to sit down and study before I go to work, because I wanted to prove them that I was clever, instead of questioning what they told me and see it from a factual perspective. If it's true, where is the evidence that what you are telling me is true? Because actually there were so many facts around this statement that they were proving them wrong. I was one of the best performing employees, my quality of work was exceptional, my clients, they were raving about me and I had a track record of years of excellent performance. But I took this statement for granted and many of we allow this nagging voice that we have inside our head to tell us over and over why we will never have what we want. And yet the truth lies in the fact that this is sacrifice.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

The long hours neglecting ourselves, prioritizing others and their needs and demands not only doesn't lead to sustainable success. It has the opposite effect. It leads to burnout, it leads to dissatisfaction and, at some point, it will end up for you being regretful. So what's the alternative? It's recognizing that you can thrive in your career and personal life. This is the opposite. This is the alternative, but it requires a shift in how you define success and how you approach balance.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

Because living a balanced life, isn't it in the form of 50-50? It's not black and white. There is a gray area between it's not 50 work and 50 personal life. Sometimes work might require you to work 70-80% of your time, and once you finish with your deadline, once you finish with what you have to do, then you decide, oh, now it's time for me, now it's time for my personal life, and that balance shifts back to 40% work, 60% personal life, until you relax. This is what I would like you to understand.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

Balance, a balanced life, is what is right for you, for the right reasons, okay, and this is very important, because we can justify work as the right reason, but nobody can work full on forever. We will burn out, we know this, and, of course, we are going to destroy every beautiful thing we have in our personal life. We are going to destroy our relationship if we have in our personal life. We are going to destroy our relationship if we don't have boundaries, if we don't know where to stop. Okay, and that's why it's not that simple, and I'm not saying that you cannot change the percentage that you are finding yourself right now. You can and you should, but in order to do so, you must change your approach. This is the key. You must understand, you must get clarity around your approach and you must change it. You must start taking and implementing different actions. You must start thinking and acting differently, and you won't solve the problem with the same attitude that created it. You will instead reinforce it. Einstein said that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. And this is why the ROAR process is so powerful.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

And ROAR that came out from my book Claws Out Living in a World that Wants you Tamed stands for recognize, own, act and redefine. And this process is so powerful because it helps you identify the areas where you are giving too much, to help you own your power, to help you take intentional actions and ultimately redefine success and how you want to live and enjoy your life. So let's break down the role. The first letter, r stands for recognize. Recognize the areas in your life where you've been sacrificing unnecessarily. This is where you are becoming more aware of what's going on. This is where you become aware of your belief systems, aware of your thoughts, aware of others' expectations and, mostly, we become aware of our behaviors towards those expectations. So, if you have the tendency to take on too much, to work longer hours than anyone, if you're trying to impress others, I want to ask you this why do you do it? Maybe it's because you believe that your worth is tied to your productivity? Think about this. What is the real reason for your action? This is how you're going to start becoming more and more aware of what's going on.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

The second letter, the O stands for own Own, the fact that you control your decisions, not the external pressures. Decisions, not the external pressures. But to own them, you must first identify them, as we have already established, and then listen to this, commit to owning your own narrative, narrative to develop a personal brand that there is no room for second-guessing your strengths. You need to own the fact that you can function from a zone of excellence and greatness and not just from competence. You must make this belief in yourself undeniable. You must learn to own who you are, with your flaws, and all because of this. And listen, listen to this your imperfections are not the ones that are holding you back. When you learn to embrace them, when you learn to accept them, they will empower you to step up and become more.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

It's when we are in a war, with hiding our imperfections, with feeling insecure about having them or even shame for not being perfect. But let me ask you this who is perfect? If you can point one person that has no flaws, then I will take everything back. No one is. We all have our imperfections, and the those imperfections are actually our uniqueness, those imperfections that the one that makes us different for any other human being living on this planet. Those imperfections are the ones that make us authentic and not fake. So stop fighting them and embrace them and, instead of asking how can I change myself, own it and start asking what do I need to do to embrace my greatness, to embrace my strengths and to bring along my flaws as well to help me move forward, to learn from them so I can move forward. This is the mindset that will help you change the things that you don't want right now.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

Please notice I didn't say change yourself. I said embrace yourself, own who you are. And once you own who you are, you can start acting. You can start taking necessary steps. And this is the first step in the role process. This is where you take intentional steps to change how you show up in both your work and personal life. Who do you need to become to create what you want in life? To become, to create what you want in life, first you start thinking and acting differently. Maybe you must start saying no more, or maybe you must start using the word no as often as you can to free time for yourself, for your family and for your friends. Or maybe you need to let go of your tendency to be for everyone else except for yourself, to let go of the guilt when it comes to doing something that you want and that might not involve the kids or the husband.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

So let me share this with you. There is this singer that I really like and he will be performing in Athens, in Greece, on October 15th, and my husband's family live in Athens 15th and my husband's family live in Athens. So last night I came up with this idea, with this thought of booking a flight to go to the concert and then spend a couple of days in Athens, because I love walking the streets without a purpose, aimlessly. I love seeing the Parthenon, that grand monument that has so much history, listening to the Greek music, but what I enjoy the most is finding these small places, these small restaurants and coffee shops that only locals know, and spend more time with my sister-in-law, which I love so dearly. Talking about girly stuff, this picture is perfect, right? I could have seen myself now that I was describing this to you doing it.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

The only challenge is that it is in the middle of the week and the kids have school Now. Years back, I would say no, this can't happen. It's not possible to happen. There are so many things that I need to take care of. It will be very difficult and I wouldn't do anything about it. I wouldn't even entertain the thought of finding solutions. I could not leave the kids. The guilt of abandoning my kids would have been too much. But they do have their father and they are more than capable of looking after themselves for a couple of days. And this leads me to the last step of the whole process Redefine, challenge the existing norms, because in the example I just gave you, the existing norm is I am a mother, I have responsibilities over my kids and I shouldn't go away in the middle of a school week or something similar like that.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

I will have tried to find the perfect day, be away as less as possible and stress the whole time that I was away, right. But redefine is what it makes you happy, if it's to be successful at work. I would like you to think how does success look like for you? If it means taking more time for yourself so you can step away from the routine to relax, so when you come back, you are more present instead of stressed and angry, what do you need to do? Another question that I have for you is this what does it mean to thrive authentically to you and I emphasize the word you Because, again, we neglect our desires desires for the sake of others' desires. And this process, the role process, will challenge you every step of the way. It will push you to start seeing things differently. It will be uncomfortable at first, but the rewards will be worth every moment of doubt and fear. So I've seen so many women over the years that I've been doing this job transform their lives using this process.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

Now I will give you the example of my client, jenny and Jenny is not her real name for obvious reasons, but Jenny. She was constantly overwhelmed and she was carrying this belief that she couldn't have a career and maintain happiness at home unless she sacrificed herself. And she did. She actually did. She became overweight because, to keep up with the rhythm and all the things that she took on, she ended up consuming more and more sugar and coffee and whatever will boost her energy to keep going. She ended up hating the woman that she was looking at her back in the mirror, and hate is a strong negative emotion that steers more negative actions. She carried so much guilt around everything. She felt guilty when she was at work and guilty when she wasn't working and, not surprisingly enough, the relationship with the husband wasn't good. She was feeling so much body conscience, so she was more closed off and reserved during their intimate times off and reserved during their intimate times.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

To change the pattern, you must first become aware of it, to recognize your behaviors, your thoughts and actions, and, in the case of Jenny, we did. It takes courage, though, to step out of the known Because let's admit it, okay the known behaviors and the known expectations. It's something that we got used to and we know what to expect of, even though we don't like it. But if you don't take that step, if you don't decide to step out of what we call comfort, the norm, you are going to keep recreating the same results and experiences and, at the end of the day, the bottom line is this you don't have to give up something you love for the sake of something else. You don't have to destroy your health, your relationships or joy to succeed in your career.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

It comes down to shifting the way you think about success and putting yourself in control. If you do this, you will be surprised by how people will see you, how people will start reacting or acting around you. Most of the time it's a pleasant surprise, but those around you that they are there for their benefit. They might not like it, so be prepared for that. And this is where it will show if you put yourself equally to those people, because that will be the test. If you see yourself less than you, will fall back into your old habits, old behaviors, old actions. Into your old habits, old behaviors, old actions. But if you decide that, actually, I am equally important as you and you stick to your decisions, not in a revengeful way, but in a loving, open way to yourself and to them. Things might change, things might not, and then the question will become what are you willing to do? So this is what I had for you today, and if what we covered resonates with you, I would love to invite you to join the free masterclass I will teach on the 24th of October. I will dive deeper into the ROLE framework, into the ROLE process. You will learn practical strategies to stop sacrificing and start living your life the way you want, without guilt, without hassle and without the fear of judgment. I will give you more information in the next couple of days. There are a little bit more tweaks that we need to do before I release the link, but you will find this link as soon as it's available on the show notes. The webinar is completely free, the Masterclass is completely free and it could be the start of a major transformation for you.

Penelope Magoulianiti:

Thanks for tuning in to Unbound Ambitions. If you enjoyed again, again, today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with a friend who might need to hear this message. I will see you in the next episode and why not? In the masterclass. Much love, much love. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Unbound Ambitions. I hope you found inspiration and courage to start your journey of transformation. The free masterclass ROAR to Success Achieve Career Growth Without Sacrificing your Life will be held on October 24th at 6 pm Central Eastern Time. More information will be available in the show notes. If you want to learn more about the ROAR framework and be inspired by the stories of hundreds of women who found the strength to say no more and change the trajectory of their lives my book Claws Out Living in a World that Once you Tamed it's available on Amazon. The link is again in the show notes. Sending lots of love.