Unbound Ambitions; Career. Relationships. Wellbeing

Finding Your Voice; The Power To Staying True To Yourself

• Penelope Magoulianiti • Season 2 • Episode 6

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Have you ever felt the heavy burden of compromising your integrity? Have you ever thought about the domino effect of always saying yes, even when your gut screams no?

Join me, in today's episode as we unravel the emotional toll that these decisions can take, how they impact our self-esteem, and the long-lasting effects of going against our interests continuously.

Tune in, reflect, and get ready to embrace your unbound ambitions.

Enjoy.

I want to invite you to a conversation with me. You can book your complimentary spot here.

Enjoy the Show?

Penelope:

Welcome to Unbound Ambitions. My name is Penello Magoulianiti and this is a podcast for success-driven women. I work with women who want to excel in their careers and relationships without struggle or sacrifice. I go to the heart of the problem and I'm not afraid to challenge my clients to face the truth. What I know about success and connection is that both require a new way of doing things. I coach Unbound Ambitions. Life doesn't have to be either or. When you change your perspective, your whole world will shift. It can happen easily, and this podcast is about helping you unbound yourself from limiting perspectives. Hello and welcome to another episode of Unbound Ambitions.

Penelope:

Today, I would like to discuss the importance of integrity, both in our personal commitments, and also I would like to discuss the power of saying no. So what do I mean by integrity? When we commit to something and we are not into it 100%, we are out of integrity. When we are not fully committed, we are not honoring our promise fully and therefore, we are out of integrity to the other people that we promise to be all in, but also to ourselves as well, and all this thing has consequences. Let me give you an example.

Penelope:

Last year, I agreed to attend a seminar which I didn't really want to do, because I had lots of work. I had lots of projects and I was feeling a little bit tired and I knew that if I was going to attend this seminar as well, it was going to push me to the edge. But the people that were running this seminar they were my friends and they have also helped me in the past and I felt that I owed it to them to be present and to support them. But I wasn't fully present. It was a full-on online program for two weeks and every day I was supposed to attend for two hours and I was resisting it. It was during the evening. Later in the evening. By that time I was exhausted and, on top of that, I was judging myself because in my head, I knew that I wasn't honoring myself, I wasn't honoring my boundaries and I was out of integrity and, as you can imagine, I was pushing myself to do it. But the result wasn't the ones that I wanted, because I wasn't open to receive and it caused me stress. Also lost two hours a day, where those two hours I could have spent them with my husband and my kids. The feeling of guilt that I had it was causing me more resistance and more anxiety. It was a vicious circle. And all this because I should have said no and I didn't. And this is one example of many, not just for me, but for you as well for you that are listening to me and for my clients Also.

Penelope:

We are so reliant and struggle to say no for many reasons, and I would like to touch a couple here so you can start to understand better what I mean by consequences and why we struggle when we go against our will. I will say our willingness to say no, but also our fear to say that no. So one of the reasons it can be psychological Our desire to be liked by others and to belong is causing us to take upon tasks that we shouldn't and attend functions and events that we don't want to go, that we don't want to attend. Think about your life for a second. Have you ever attended a function that you didn't want to go? How did you feel? What did you think? Did you have a good time? Why did you do it? What was the underlying reason of accepting the invitation when you knew deep down that you shouldn't have? And one of the reasons it might mean that we have the fear of confrontation. We don't want to have to get into a discussion of why we are refusing, and instead of having this difficult, awkward discussion, we prefer to say yes. We don't want to say no to our spouse, because we don't want to start an argument. So we say yes and we suffer in silence. Be honest, have you ever done this?

Penelope:

Then there is the societal conditioning that values self-sacrifice, especially for us women, because for men this is not the same. Men don't feel so much the need to self-sacrifice. We must be willing to serve and prioritize others' needs above our own. This is the message that society is teaching us. A woman's position is to serve her husband and to obey him. This was what my grandmother used to say to me when I was a young lady. I grew up with this conditioning and thank God now is not so intensely promoted, but it still exists. It might not be as straightforward as it used to be when I was growing up, but if we look around us, we will find lots of examples where women are not treated or not expected to want to be treated and have the same opportunities as men.

Penelope:

Apart from the psychological reasons, we have the emotional impact when we are not staying true to ourselves. There are consequences. It might show up as being overwhelmed, anxious and having the strong sense that we are losing our identity or having no control over our lives. Again, I'm gonna ask you have you ever felt overwhelmed in actions? Have you ever felt that you have no other choice but saying yes and therefore no, not having control over how you run and live your life? And if yes, why? Why do you allow this emotional impact? My goal for this podcast is to make you think what you are allowing in your life and if it's your choice and let's go back to emotional impact If this continues for a long time, we keep acting against our interests then suddenly we are going to find ourselves facing chronic stress and we are gonna wonder why do I feel this way?

Penelope:

Of course, we are gonna feel stress when we have no control or when we are not as determined and sure and sure about ourselves as we used to be, and our self-esteem will decrease. Or we are not going to be as determined and sure about ourselves as we used to be, and our self-esteem will decrease. We are going to doubt ourselves more. We are going to ask for reassurance from others. This keep happening. It might even impact our mental health.

Penelope:

One of my clients was facing prolonged stress because she was unable to say no to her partner's demands. You may think there is nothing wrong with providing to your partner, and I agree, but when the requests are made both parties' interest in mind, there is no problem. But in my client's case it was always about his pleasure, his needs and hobbies, and she didn't want to disagree with him because she didn't want to get into a fight and then for him to withdraw and become distant for a long period of time. She felt that she was nurturing a toddler, she was trying to accommodate his demands so he wouldn't create a scene and embarrass her, and the result of this kind of relationship was for my client to lose her confidence, to stop believing that she was capable and worthy and to create a lifestyle based on fear and dependence. We are working together now and she's starting to understand the concept of being out of integrity and how to stop pleasing for the sake of being loved and accepted and instead standing in her power so she can be loved for who she is.

Penelope:

And I want to give you some practical steps to say no respectfully and confidently and don't fall into the trap of I'm gonna keep pleasing others because I don't want the fight, because I don't want to upset them, because I'm not sure if I am capable, because I'm not sure if I am worthy. So let me say yes, and it's okay, I will be tired, but it's fine, it's me, I will manage. We don't want this kind of thinking happening over and over and over again. So one of the best ways I found out that it helps is self-reflection. When we take time regularly to reflect on how we feel and how we can respond to requests, then we won't jump into committing ourselves without thinking about it first. What we need to do is to learn how to stop ourselves from speaking without thinking. When I first started doing this, I counted until three before giving my answer. It allowed actually my brain to process the request and my nervous system to relax, Taking a deep breath and then counting to three. It's no more than three seconds really in reality, but those three seconds are enough, believe it or not, to give us time to think before we speak.

Penelope:

Journaling is another great way to become aware of your thoughts and feelings, and I am a big fan of it as well, because it allows me to see what's happening in my head. And let me tell you a secret. Did you know that we have around 60,000 thoughts within a day? 60,000 thoughts, and most of these thoughts are going unnoticed. So when we journal, we bring into our awareness our deepest beliefs, fears, insecurities and stories we tell ourselves. We become aware because it's written and the minute it's in front of us we can start clearing unwanted beliefs and processing negative feelings. Meditation also helps to calm the mind. I tend to meditate early in the morning, giving me the right boost to start my day, and sometimes I also do it in the evening 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening.

Penelope:

And saying no doesn't have to be in a rude way. It can be done respectfully and yet it can be firmly. For example, phrases like I appreciate your offer, but I can't commit to this right now, or I am honored, but I need to focus on my current commitments. Both are great ways to say no without offending anyone. Setting boundaries. It's another great way to communicate your decision to others. Boundaries are a great way to ensure your mental health and are necessary for your personal well-being. Now we all know and I believe from our experiences in the past, we all understand that if we rush ourselves to implement all these changes, we won't stick to them after a couple of days, because it takes time to form a new habit which is going to replace the old one. And also, if this change that we want to do is big, our mind will create every obstacle possible to keep us from acting on it.

Penelope:

Gradual practice is the answer here. Start small, perhaps by saying no to minor things at first, and gradually build up your confidence in declining requests that don't align with your values or capacity. Small steps will bring big results if we stick to it. So for this week, I would like to encourage you to say one to two no's, to realize that no's to request that you know if you accept them, you will be out of integrity. And once you do pay attention to how you feel about it, do you experience a confidence boost, do you feel calmer, or maybe do you feel guilt.

Penelope:

Whatever it is, it's okay for now. Don't force yourself to feel a different feeling or worse. Don't judge yourself If you don't feel how you think you should feel. There is no right or wrong feeling here. Whatever you feel when you do this exercise, if you do this exercise, it's all right. It's the feeling that you should have, and we start from there. Give yourself time to adjust and to learn.

Penelope:

Also, if you want to take this a step further, reflect on the areas in your life where you are out of integrity already and ask yourself what can I do about it? What can I do about it? I am out of integrity. Do I want to keep being out of integrity or do I want to change this? And I can guarantee you that if you decide to change it, your whole attitude will change and you are going to feel calmer, more centered and even happier, even though you might have to disappoint some people. So I would like to invite you to a conversation.

Penelope:

Let's get together and explore what has been going on, and this is my gift to you for listening to my podcast, for supporting this podcast, and also I would like it to be a gift to yourself.

Penelope:

If you're willing to accept it, then go ahead and book this call with me, because, at the end of the day, why do we do all these things and have all these desires? Because we want a better, happier and more fulfilling life for us and those we deeply care about. So go ahead and book your call at www. penelopemagoulianiti. co m/ letst alk and let's get to the bottom of your challenges. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Unbound Ambitions, and until next time, much love. There are several myths and misconceptions that exist about women who want to have successful careers and maintain fulfilling and beautiful relationship, and this is what I love to do. I love to debunk these myths, to coach and guide women to a new way of thinking and doing. If you're interested in learning more about my work, I would like to invite you to a conversation. Go to www. penelopemagoulianiti. com/le ts talk to book your call.